Okay, okay, okay, maybe 17.
Seriously, the degree on the wall says she graduated in May 2007.
About 4 weeks ago, I lost a filling. Baby.Dr.PrettySmile does a great job. I ask for no Novocaine, she does it, boom, I'm done. A hundred bucks-thank-you-very-much and I'm out of there. Al goes for a check up a week or two later; he has no problem. Monday, I go for a routine check up... again, no problem.
Fast forward to today, which from now on shall be named, "the worst dental experience of my life" day.
I'm in the chair. I've got the stupid little paper bib attached by the stupid metal chain. The nurse picks up my chart and says, "This says you want no anesthesia?" She chuckles as she reads it, which I hear as "Are you f-ing stupid?" She talks with that mocking laugh warble in her voice. She tells me that the side of the tooth isn't like the top of the tooth and I should "really think about it." She walks out and in comes MissAmerica/young Doctor Doogiette. Doogiette starts to talk about anesthetic too so I crack, "Umm, I guess if you think I really will need it." Doogiette says, "Well, I always prefer it." So I STUPIDLY and WEAKLY say, "Okay fine."
The needle is in my mouth before I could say another word. All the way in the back left corner where the top and the bottom meet, she sticks in the needle. Instantly I get the WICKED freaking CRAMP from HELL under my ear radiating behind my ear, under my jaw line. I reach my hand up and try to massage the charlie horse that is located where my jaw meets my ear. "Holy Shit! That really sucked!" I thought to myself.
Doogiette leaves and the MockingNurse sits down. We begin to talk about the kids two hour delay this morning due to fog... and my speech is getting worse and worse. In my head, I'm trying to remember the last time I had Novocaine. "I don't remember my speech getting THIS slurred. Wow. I can hardly speak now. Wow, my face feels weird. Wow. My eye is burning." I reach up and touch my eye and remark, "My whole face is numb. I can't even feel my eye." but it comes out, "Maaaa hooo faaaa iiii nuuuu. I caaaa feee maaaaa aaaahhhhhh." She kind of glances my way, and gets up and leaves.
There I am. Sitting with my ankles crossed in the big plastic chair, adorned with that stupid bib. In my head I'm trying to recollect, "Holy crap I am numb from my eyebrow to my Adam's apple. Could I REALLY have forgotten what anesthetic feels like? Wow. Has it really been that long that I don't remember THIS?! Wow. Why does my eye feel so weird?" I go to close my eye and only my right side closes. I try to blink... only the right side blinks. I try to move my mouth... only the right side moves. "Surely I must be wrong." I'm deciding. In the past, it felt real weird, it felt like I looked weird, but everything really did move. I reach up and close my eyelid with my finger. I let go. It opens. I try again. Close with finger, hold. release. Eye pops open. "Wow. I really cannot close my left eye without using my finger." I'm trying to find humor in this, when Dr Doogiette come in with Mocking-Warble-Voice-Nurse. They get started.
Okay, so I'm about three seconds into the drilling when I feel it. Ummm... yeah ... the drill! I can't move my whole freaking face but I can feel the tooth she is drilling. W.T.F!?!?!?!? Doogiette heard/felt my surprise and stops for a second. I say, "Oh. That's. Just. Great. I. can. feel. it. anyway." Dr Doogiette says, "Let me give you some more." I clearly grunt, "No. No more. Just do it." She says, "Oh I'd feel better..." so I grunt, "I won't move...just do it." She tells me that she isn't worried about that, but is more concerned with my comfort. All I could think was, "My whole entire F-ING face is numb! Under my jaw bone is still cramped and now it feels like a walnut is lodged in there... Ummm.... no. but thanks." I shake my head no again and open my mouth.
She begins again and I. feel. every. stinking. turn. of that drill. Now.., don't get me wrong... I'm no baby when it comes to pain. However, when you've just endured a painful injection, and I have no control over any part of the left side of my face... I'm really not happy about feeling the drill too.
I get through it by internally admonishing myself for giving in to the Novocaine in the first flipping place. I am so mad at myself. This SO. SO. sucks. I can't believe I gave in .. for no pain relief any way ... and now THIS!!!
When all is said and done, Doogiette says, "I feel bad that you didn't even want it, and now your eye is numb." She says to be careful that I don't get anything in my eye since I can't feel it. (Hmmm.. you mean like my finger. that. I have. to. use. to blink. my now. tearing. eyeball with.?!?" )
I get up out of the chair and feel a little disoriented walking down the hall. I can't help it, I'm overwhelmed with the desire to cover my left eye with my hand. I feel so weird, almost dizzy, but not really. Yeah... that makes sense. (?)
When I try to speak to the receptionist, I realize that I sound a whole lot like Dick Clark did. Nick sees me first and says, "What Happened!?" Callia comes around, takes one look at my face and says, "Mommy? Are you okay?" and continues to stand there and rub my back while the receptionist tells me the co-pay is WAY more than they originally told me. I don't have the energy, or the patience, or the verbal communication skills to argue, so I write the check and leave. I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror and that's the image that has haunted me all day.
I get into the car, where Kevin is waiting, and Calli and Nick climb in the back. Kevin looks at me and immediately starts with questions. I say in DickClark-ese, "I don't want to talk about it right now." I'm about two minutes down the road at a light and I look in the rear view mirror. The left side of my face is hanging like a SharPei . I look at myself and try to blink. Concentrate! Blink. Nope. I do the hold-my-eye-closed-thing... release. POP my eye opens. I try my mouth... NOTHING. I cannot move my face whatsoever. The entire left side of my face is 100% completely paralyzed! I start to well up with tears and the only grimacing right side looks nightmarishly scary. Kevin asks again, "Mom, what happened?" and I'm now sobbing as I tell him about the needle, the pain in my jaw, and "Look.at.my.face.I can't even blink or keep my eye closed. I can't move my lips..." No joke. I looked completely like I had had a stroke. My own face scared the shit out of me.
After I drop all the kids off, I drive to work. Pull myself together... calm down...
I rub the lump that is under my earlobe and within a few minutes I am able to move my mouth a little. Two hours after the injection, I can begin to move the left side of my face. I put on my makeup, and finally go inside to work.
My face is moving now, so I'm feeling almost giddy. I begin to dramatically tell this story to my co-workers. One is laughing so hard, he is nearly crying." The guys that I work with are great! I swear, we laugh about something every single day.
So, bitch whine bitch whine, I still have pain where my earlobe and jaw meet. It's uncomfortable to bite/chew and even open and close my mouth to talk. My cheeks and lips still feels a little weird and tingly. Ugh.
If I'm still feeling like this in the morning, I'm think I'm going to freak out a little . Thanks for "listening." to my bitch-whine-&-moan session.
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